HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!!!

Been thinking about my final blog for this year and I have to warn you it’ll be longish, but I’ll make it as interesting as I can. If you’ve been reading, you’ll probably realise that this year I got my heart broken but on a positive side I got closer to God and I’m better for that. It’s a shame as humans we let God’s order work up a crisis in our lives so we can surrender totally to His will. The most important lesson I’ve learnt this year is that if a crisis comes to you on any line, surrender your will to Him absolutely and irrevocably. (Credit to the book my utmost for His Highest.)If you stop reading at this point, at least I’ve touched someone’s heart!!!
I wrote predictions for this year, seven in total and only three materialised. Those three I’m grateful for and the four will come in good time.
I read interesting blogs this year that were eye opening and kept me going with my writing. Life through someone else’s life is so much bearable and interesting. Shout out to all bloggers!!
Family.............. What can I say? We’ve been tried and tested this year but we’re still alive and through God we’ll make it through next year. I love you!!!
Friends........... Moh, Eva, Aunty Salha, Lats (I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone) if I didn’t have you guyz in my life, I think I’d be dead by now!! You’ve been supportive, loving and your advice has been PRICELESS. Just knowing I have you guyz in my life makes starting a new year bearable. Thanks for your listening ears, love and support. I’ll be forever grateful. Xoxo
To every ‘friend’ who made me have to use the quotes in the first place, in your crazy way you taught me a lot. Half the lessons learnt were thanks to you and I can only pray for good things to come your way. Have a nice life.
Shout out to this cute guy I just met, you came into my life at the best possible time, you’ll never know how crazy things were but you made everything better. I love the passion in your eyes, your honesty and your cute lips. You’re precious. I hope I get to know you even better.
Finally to the one person who almost killed me this year, I understand why it never could have been me so what I’ll say has nothing to do with sour grapes coz you didn’t pick me. You know all about the lies you told and what you did the last time we were together. Bottom line is I trusted you. I won’t bother with grudges coz I know about karma. Live your life and let me live mine.
Looking forward to a quiet new year’s eve, I’ll sleep in for a change and spend time with God. Share your stories if you like. The one resolution I can share is that next year, I’ll be more focused on other people. I wish for you all the best and may all your dreams come true. Keep reading........... Like I say, who knows what Suezhane will be up to next year? Stick around as we both find out. God Peace.

KILLING ME SOFTLY

I was so mean to him yesterday. I wanted him to explain some things and I wasn’t getting convinced so I turned mean and felt terrible afterwards. I don’t want us to go back to that place of not talking but we keep dancing around the most important issue and I don’t know what else to do or say. My words are turning meaningless.
I’m now convinced that the most dangerous people are those who love you but kill you slowly inside. With promises they never get to keep or keeping hope alive even when you should have gone off it years ago. When did a little faith ever harm anyone? You wonder. Never faith is harmless, but you can’t control anyone else’s free will. PERIOD. Believe as long as your belief system does not border on insanity. That’s all I’m saying.
My belief system has totally been battered up. Love does not conquer all. Ask me and I’ll tell you. I do believe however that in some random, rare occasions people can surprise you or even shock the hell out of you. So I’m waiting on his.
I’m a question to be answered and I hope his answer’s ‘YOU’

UNTITLED

These are the moments of my life............ My heart aches.
We all have different moments of clarity. You wake up one day and realise in spite of all your good intentions, you can’t control anyone else’s life, let alone your own. We like to go through life acting like we have all the power when the reality is that God is the architect of all, so what chance do we really have?
Someone please wake me up at the end of this year.
You think I’m strong, don’t feel pain, so I don’t need your love? I want to say I’m weak and I need you. I want to say that my world is falling apart, I’m not as strong as you think I am, please pick me.
He’s getting married, and I’m dying inside.
“You’re not my ex anything; you’re my right now, my all.”
You say nothing has to change, yet your world is changing and I’m alone...... I didn’t ask to have these feelings, He chose them for me.
I’ll never say goodbye.
Everyone else thinks I’m crazy. They don’t know us like we do. And our story can’t end like this. I know these negative feelings will pass. All I need is a little more time, and then I’ll give you up completely.
I’m losing all of my emotions
I have expired
I’m miserable
And I’m slowly disintegrating
You’re listening in on my silence,
I try but I don’t speak.
I’m shattered
Missing out on your love
My world has been blown to pieces.
I’m struggling not to succumb to the darkness in my soul.
I love how you see me as perfect, when all I feel is damaged.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Today on my way to work, I had all these thoughts and among them was to write most of the stuff I remembered.
First I kept thinking of everything that’s been keeping me up lately and how I’m starting to miss long peaceful nights. I thought of how unreliable the weather is and how the folks up in Copenhagen needed to seal the deal yesterday!
I’ve noticed these ladies who clean a certain office building and they use rags and have to bend and I thought how soon I’ll stop by and recommend mops with handles to the supervisor coz it’s not right that any one should have to bend that much for that long.....
I came across this guy speaking on phone but its funny how he kept gesticulating as if the guy on the other end could see him. I couldn’t help laughing to myself and I felt like thanking him for the smile on my face. In traffic this guy did something so kind that irked the traffic cop to no end. He noticed the build up of guys waiting to cross and instead of driving off like the cop was indicating, he actually stopped for us to pass. Bless his kind soul.
I came across this funeral entourage with the tinniest coffin I ever saw and that got me wondering whether I should be sad for it or be happy. It’ll never grow up to be what he/she could have been but on the other hand he’s going back to be with God. And what can beat that? My heart ached at the parents’ sadness. That got me thinking about the philosopher in the book of Ecclesiastes and isn’t life a chasing after the wind anyway? I’ve decided I want to be a baby sitter in heaven.
That got me thinking about my life choices, 2010 and how different I want it to be for me, how people you love might slowly be killing you inside (look out for that post soon) and then I thought about God and prayed.
I’m happy I wasn’t so busy so nothing interfered with this post!!!

CHANCES

That’s the name of the latest program I’ve been watching and also the “action” I’ve been thinking about most lately. Are there people in your life you believe could do with a second chance even the 20th time around? Are you strong and giving enough to give them that gift of hope as I heard someone put it today? I can think of at least two people who could do with a second chance. And I want to be the bigger person. I’ve realized that chance and trust are synonymous. To give someone a second chance means telling them you’re ready to trust them again.
And the thing with trust like respect is it’s earned and not demanded for. I’m the kind of person who finds it torturous to keep a grudge and feels absolutely sickened knowing someone’s walking around wishing me the worst. So today dear friend, here’s to your second chance. Here’s to the reassurance that I’m willing to trust you again and let you into my life. Chance is a risk and some risks are worth taking since they lead to new fortune, opportunity and prospects.
Human relationships are about wrinkles and warts and acceptance of other’s weaknesses, not forgetting our own. Life’s like a flick at a dice, too unpredictable, letting go of pains sometimes means embracing a new beginning and sometimes that’s what we all need. To have a new beginning. So no, it isn’t true that nothing can heal the wounds inflicted by a “traitor” because a simple ‘I’m sorry’ said at the right time, is redemption for anyone.
Go on; give that person a second chance.............. You could save their life and, people are what matters. PEACE and LOVE.

LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND

I’ve had to read a lot about love these past couple of days coz for real for real, I was this close(gesticulating) to letting hate creep into my life because of certain people and certain situations. So now I’ve learnt how easy it is to let trifling things mess up our love walk with God. Here are important lessons I’ve learnt about love:
We need to stop putting conditions on love, people don’t have to love us back for us to love them, God doesn’t love us because of our actions, He loves us in spite of them and we should endeavour to do the same. There’s no fear in love, it is your power so you might as well use it to glorify God. Love does make the world go round and hence forth I’m practicing love.... I know how hard it is to forgive someone who’s hurt us, all we think of is hurting them back. A little exercise that’s helping me is to just take a step back and imagine God treating me the same way I treat people who’ve wronged me. That always gets me back on the right path.
My second best inspirational book says:
There’s always a lot to be thankful for, if you take time to look for it.
Broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened
Did you know you could actually practice being in awe? How cool is that? I’m practicing! Peace & Love y’all
Happy birthday Abdul!! May all your dreams come true.

AGENDA

There are so many things I have to do!!! I need to continue writing more poems, which I can hopefully transform into a book eventually, I suddenly got it in my head to write a book and I’m researching for it, I feel like writing something inspirational so I’m torn between writing a diary like kind of story, or just write in prose???? (I need to get my terminologies right I know!!!) But I know I have to write something motivational and that most people can relate to. Any ideas? I think my blog will also be in my agenda!

TIME

No matter how much time has passed,
I think about our being in love,
And how you chose a different path,
A path that made you choose to walk away from me
And turn my love away
Your words turned to be so trite
And still my feelings grew every day and night
My love that overflows, bubbles over,
But never reaching you.
“Why did you choose that road?”
I wonder, or
“Why did I ever fall for you?”
You should at least have kept one promise,
Then another, and yet another....
One day this poem will be complete then I’ll re-post it here!!!

MEETING AN EX

I’ve been having a series of really weird dreams lately, so I guess it was only natural that the climax would have me meeting my ex, this time only not in my dreams......... you plan and re-plan for such a day such that when it finally comes you hope you won’t be as flat footed as I was, but no!!!! First thing that came to my mind was me wishing I’d given in to my sixth sense and worn my heels! Maybe for the false sense of confidence I felt they would’ve given me, but any who............
Back to matters of the conversation, there he was asking how I’d been and he was expecting me to announce my happy marriage and kids waiting for me at home! How could I tell him that the guy I broke up with him for wasn’t a part of my life anymore? Like somehow by admitting that I’d be admitting my failure and how wrong I was to leave him...........
My head seemed to have found a life of its own, where my mouth failed me and there I was nodding and shaking to every question, leaving no doubt in his mind how uncomfortable I really was. Then he had to go and bring up the break up! And just in time I found my freedom of speech again. “Please don’t.”
Was I supposed to stand there like I was on trial just coz I followed my heart?
In hind sight I don’t really regret the break up, there are things I would’ve done different but he’s not the guy I go to bed dreaming of as my husband so the break up wasn’t a mistake, being caught off guard was! Now that I’m cool and collected my response to his question, “what’s new?” would have been: On the outside my life hasn’t changed much, all the change has been going on within. I’m more focused on pleasing myself, finding pleasure in the simple things in life, not over thinking situations just taking steps of faith, but most importantly being happy by myself instead of giving up that freedom to someone else.
I’ve learnt that most times we expect so much from our partners that when they fall short, we fall apart instead of learning to be happy no matter our circumstances. If you’re in a relationship, love yourself then love your partner. If you’re hoping to meet someone, be open to receiving love. PEACE AND LOVE

THANK YOU!!!!!

Thanks everyone who’s been reading my blog.......... and those who’ve taken time to e-mail me, I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I started writing hoping to at least change one person’s life, and I hope you can relate to me through that. Sorry I’ve been a bit selfish recently but sometimes when things are so good, I want to keep the happy memories inside and get rid of the bad ones and be a better person. I’ve had a great month really, had my birthday, been seeing life more clearly and I’m stronger for that now.
Getting over a broken heart hasn’t been so interesting, but half of life isn’t anyway and I’ve learnt to roll with the punches. Some circumstances occur in life to help us transition, so I’ve been evolving!! And yes I am still single,,,, so keep writing.... and don’t be offended if I don’t respond if in your mail you call yourself a boy at 27!!! I want a man! Ladies, I’m straight...... Love and respect, pray and stay positive. A few tit bits I’ve picked along the way:
In life one must discover what their calling is…………
Sometimes we have to look with our heart to see what our naked eyes can’t see……
An individual has not started living until he has risen beyond himself to be concerned with other people’s suffering
Boundaries do not keep people out, they fence you in. You can either spend your life drawing lines or you can learn to cross them. If you’re willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is spectacular!
There are so many ways to lose your life, all at once or one day at a time
Fear is of the devil; do not let your fear own you.
Commotion and emotion can be a sign of no devotion.
Sometimes the difference between a coyote and a fox is the way you treat it.
When we get it right, I’m sorry is redemption.

NEW MEANING

Its been a minute since I last wrote……… I’ve been on a quest to find new meaning for my life. Its been fun and fulfilling and peaceful. Don’t look for answers in the world, try and seek the face of God in whatever situation, imitate Christ and you will be free. Most importantly I am learning that God would never put me in a situation where I wouldn’t be able to endure and no, temptation does not come from God, that’s the devil!!!!!!! PEACE and LOVE, I hope you find the peace I have!
So what else is happening in the world?? Anyone?

BROKEN HEARTS, A TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL JACKSON

It was with great sadness that I learned about Michael Jackson’s demise. I’ve wanted to pay tribute to the legend and I wanted to make it special enough for the special person that he was. I can’t remember his first song I fell in love with but I can’t forget performing ‘Heal the world’ at a school function or singing along to ‘You are not alone’ and really feeling like I really wasn’t. I learned to separate his personal life from his performing life and in my eyes MJ always remained the greatest musician I had ever had the privilege of listening to. His personality and the way he could weather any storm and come out on top always amazed me.
I want to remember Michael, he who gave me hope through his songs and a determination borne out of suffering and rising. Mya Angelou said it best in her poem ‘We had Him’. I did not know him personally, but like most people I felt a sense of closeness to him since he opened up his world to everyone without exception. And I will miss Him.

Usher’s performance of ‘gone too soon’ moved me to tears as I’m sure it did most people. So many
things have happened in my life in the past few months that have broken my heart but a great person once said, ‘a heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.’ Michael’s passing really drove home the fact that life’s too short for silly games…… And I am grateful for my broken heart, even as I feel the pain of children losing a father at a very young age, and a family torn by grief.
I write this as I watch the memorial, Smokey just said Michael will never be gone, he will live on forever.’ And I believe him. I’m also glad I lived in this era, and became a part of his magic. That got me thinking, if I was to disappear off the face of the earth, how many people would take notice? Death does not bring to mind any pleasant memories, just grief deeper than the ocean, and bigger than us.
I have never known a man with so much love in his heart. And Michael like you said, ‘you are not alone.’ “There was nothing strange about MJ, what’s strange is what he had to deal with.” (Rev Al Sharpton). And I agree whole heartedly. R.I.P

SONG KERNELS, PROMPTS!!!!

Broken this fragile thing now, and I can't pick up the pieces, and i've thrown my words all around and i can't, give you a reason. i feel so broken up and i give up, i won't walk out until you know................
here i come, scream my lungs out and try to get to you, you are my only one, i'll let go but there's just no one that gets me like you do, you are my only one

P.S: You don't know what it's like to love somebody the way I love you!

Can I just digress for a minute……….. I just read this prompt that will have me starting the title of my poem with the words, “Don’t you…. Here’s my first attempt:

DON’T YOU THINK YOU’RE ALONE

Walking under starlight, the heavens smile at me
I smile back in understanding,
It’s a language we get to speak
I stare at the shadows before me
I’m scared I might be falling
Turn the corner in time to see
Not endless night but day,
The streets are filled with strangers
And I’m not alone anymore.

DEAR GOD

I had the opportunity to work with an amazing group of people this weekend, though this weekend was all about work, it was ok and like I said, I did meet some amazing people and learnt a lot. Anywho, I missed writing!!

Dear God….
I thought of you even more today lord. Mostly of how I’ve been ignoring you and forsaken your word for a while. I’ve had it so good lately I’ve pushed my mind to forget how I got here. I’m making a pledge to do my best. Not just to run to you in my times of trouble but even through the good times. Thank you for not forsaking me and reminding me who’s in charge.

P.s I’m so tired, but I can’t close my eyes long enough to sleep! Does that make sense??? My mind is on over drive!

TODAY I’LL SAY GOODBYE

Today I’ll say goodbye to all the things we could have been
All the things we were and all we didn’t get to be.

Today I’ll say goodbye because love shouldn’t hurt like this
And goodbye’s the only word that makes a difference.

Today I’ll say goodbye because life should go on,
Has to go on.

Today I’ll say goodbye to all the promises you made
But never got to keep.

And I will miss you but
Today I have to say goodbye
Coz I care too much, and
Our season is over.
GOODBYE.

ME, LAYING MYSELF BARE, ALMOST 

Trying to find myself as a writer…………. Guess that does have a lot to do with how I want the world to see me… I’m learning that I’m a kinesthetic person, I react more to feelings, always trying to “grasp” for “something concrete” or “get in touch” with things. So most of the time I’ll react to feeling, write about what gets to me, and rant about it till I get it out of my system. But I’m more than one simple word, I’m intense, complex, an over comer, a fighter……………and I want all that to come out from what I put down. (Might as well do some good with all this intensity)!

Honestly I write because I hope I can change someone’s life with my writing, people say when you expose yourself you become a target for everyone and are vulnerable. What’s wrong with being a bit vulnerable I wonder?

So how to save a soul today, from a non expert’s point of view. Meditate. It’s helped me a lot. Pray, we do not have all the answers. Focus on the positives, negativity drugs you down and holds you captive.

TO BE THE BEST

Asking some fundamental questions today. Ever wondered what marks our timing on earth? Have you made any impact on the world? If you could go back to just a few hours, what would you change? When life comes rushing at you, do you have someone who’ll help you face it? Will you face your deepest regret knowing you could have done something to save someone else from drowning? Do your regrets stem from what you didn’t do?

Do some of your choices haunt you? Are you being as real as you ever could be or do other people tell you who you are?

Face your fears bravely, break your own heart if you have to, do not stay in the wrong path or let other people define who you are. Do not lose yourself in the madness, or succumb to the darkness in your soul. Choose to move forward in faith.

Your choices matter. PEACE AND LOVE

MY INQUISITIVE MIND WANTS TO KNOW

Single to some people means all the sex you can have, others translate it to bidding their time till the right person comes along, for others all it spells is loneliness. I struggle to figure out where I fit in………. My single friends thought I’d sold out when I got into a serious relationship, being a serial dater and all, but I feel some things get old after a while, after all some have even gone and gotten married! Talk of selling out! I’m so happy they found love, do not get me wrong, I’m not against marriage.

“Beauty is fleeting, other things are forever.”

Does getting married equal growing up? How do you even equate the two? So if I’m 50 and single, does that make me immature? The world and all its labels! You gotta hate it sometimes! I’m against getting married for validation. It does mark the grand finale of man-searching, but also ushers in at best a partner you can occasionally talk to about children, or how bad you think they’re doing at school…………

Whatever happened to figuring yourself out then finding someone with the same views? Is marriage turning into something you try on to see if it fits? (Shoot me I’m too old fashioned for this generation). Is there anything like the marrying kind? How do I know if I’m one? I’m just trying to aim beyond what I see around me.

P.S. I don’t know what I’ll do if two years from now I’m still single coz the guy I made a pact with is now happily married and totally oblivious of the fact that I even exist! This marriage talk is definitely not over!

A LOVE LIKE THIS

From my bones, straight to my heart,
My love for you fills me.
Hold me in lovers embrace, dispel the fears
That hold me captive inside
From my heart piercing my soul
A love like this can never die.
Timeless reads two lovers clock
That keeps ticking and ticking

How good do you feel when you get to speak to a friend you haven’t talked to in ages? Priceless right? I hope so. Coz I feel so damn good! You know who you are. You’re a queen you are!!! What else can I say? Contented what else can I say? My empty bed beckons! PEACE AND LOVE.

CHANGES

Change is inevitable. Change is good (depending on where you’re standing). If you don’t adapt to change, you get left behind. And I want to jump on that bus of change. They should add that change is so damn scary, and you need someone to hold your hand. What if all you have to lean on is yourself? How do you deal? I love him; I love him, now I’m rumbling in my head!!!!!!! The world is your freakin oyster babe, go on get your pearls.

04-05-09

Life goes off course but I look at you and I know
Who I am.
My choices don’t haunt me; I embrace you my new path
I move forward, never giving up
Solace when I never expected,
My greatest fear I face bravely,
Moving forward faithfully.
I come out from my darkness
You guide me to my light.
Even when life rushes at me from all directions
You are my safe haven.

Some things are meant to last forever.

I DON’T LABEL MYSELF

Funny thing happened to me today; someone I hardly know said I was a snob! In all fairness, rather than lead him on I chose to stay away and for all my efforts I got labeled!!! Just because I can figure out pretty quickly whether I’m interested in someone or not does it mean I should compromise myself for the sake of someone’s ego? Is this what society expects of me? To go out on a date leading nowhere for the sake of peace? Just so someone’s feelings won’t be hurt? Can’t we be a bit selfish when it comes to deciding about matters of the heart?? I am a monogamist, maybe that’s what I should’ve said upfront, would’ve been different if I at least had a chance to get a word in……..I’m pretty up front about the things I want, no sugar coating for me. This Mr. Right now stuff is getting pretty tricky me thinks! Sigh.

That’s why the next time someone wants to add me to his list of conquests I will politely decline, I refuse to be added to a list of people anyone has had the chance to devour. I do things on my terms…. Most of the time! When I was younger I did what kids do, but now that I’m older, I’ve gotten a bit wiser. Is it ok to enjoy the “benefits” a short term affair offers, just for the sake of lust? I’m confused. But not frigid. Just conscious. I believe in love and everything it has to offer, hopeless romantic I am!

HOW DO YOU DEAL????

“The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him and a small situation is made worse and more visible when you try to fix it.”

I’m in a situation where unless I get rid of all the baggage I feel I’m dragging around the more I’ll keep holding myself back so I’ll do everything I need to, to feel at peace again. I said I wasn’t going to apologize for the way I live my life anymore so whatever makes me happy goes!! How do you deal with your issues??
Still hustling to get out of bed in the morning FOR WORK OUT………… gotta keep at it. I’m working on totally different pieces of poetry; I’ll post some ideas soon, see if I get a reaction. Pray for me, I’ll pray for you, we all need to survive. PEACE

MR RIGHT NOW,

The wedding turned out to be interesting, but the thing that gave me the most pleasure was getting to hang out with my grandma who I hardly ever see. Interesting men are really hard to find, where can I find a great guy for some good conversation with no strings attached? I’m open to any suggestions……….. Any who, I still have a chance to impress for this other wedding I’m attending pretty soon. Everyone around me’s getting married!! What to do??? I’ll bid my time till the right guy comes along no biggie. Wouldn’t mind a Mr. right now though, if anyone catches my drift.
Tomorrow I’m starting this workout routine that involves me getting up earlier than usual… I have to though coz I have to stay in shape and right now I feel like I’m just carrying around this huge weight. Back to matters of interesting poetry, I’m currently working on this piece.

MY HEART

Cut too deeply for you pieces of my heart
This thin line I walk too scared coz I might lose you
I know I’ve lost you
In my head resigned, whisper that message
To my heart
For you my lungs and all my vital organs
For you this emptiness I feel
Tomorrow comes and with it a new dawn
Tomorrow brings with it too many memories
My lover ran away with my heart.

STUFF OF WEDDINGS………. AND BEING ABIT SELFISH

I’ve been reading a lot about how sometimes we have to be selfish, as a way of self fulfillment and I have to say its been an uplifting experience. Always putting other people first is thoughtful but its too easy to get caught up in their emotions and drama, it’s just as easy to lose yourself. I feel like at some point I lost myself, I let too many things get to me and define who I was, and not until the person I thought I could always trust let me down and I had to reevaluate myself………… but those are issues for another day....

Thinking of what to wear for the wedding I’m attending tomorrow……… I guess that’s what you get for putting some things off too long! I’m feeling sexy, so sexy it will be, besides I have to put my ‘come hither’ face on, can’t take any chances and besides I’m down for whatever!!!

MY WANDERING MIND

Yester night I realized my brain probably runs on speed. There I was supposedly asleep and I was conscious of each n every thought running through my mind! Of course I woke up feeling like I’d been running a marathon all night, but seriously bed for me used to be a place I could just escape n relax and forget about the crappy day I had, and now I realize my days, whether good or bad, are following me to bed!! I have a plan though, n I’ll share it if it works…. Ok been wracking my brain on what to write about all day today…….. Maybe I’ll just share some pieces of poetry I’ve been working on. Come to think of it, poetry has always been there for me no matter what. Feels good to know I have something I can count on.

BEGGAR

I’m writing to you because I love you……..
When you said you had to leave
I wish you hadn’t gone away with your love
Helpless, have no one to turn to
Disciple of tough love,
Hello solitude
I want to stay exactly where I am
In love
With the essence of me,
You’re one of a kind, filled with fire
Only a little too much
I’d come for you but I don’t want to be a beggar
For your LOVE.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE STAND UP MEN GONE??

Male bashing:
The new statement of female dominion? It’s all over the news of late, “husband beaten and wounded by wife,” lots of media hype later and bruised ego at play, husband seeks justice, then blah blah blah……. I wonder is this the end of the male mojo as we know it?
I would never be with a guy I knew I could hit. PERIOD. Sure I like to think in my head I’m in control most of the time but truth be told, I like to feel accountable, know that I can only go so far……and yes hitting is crossing the line.

I digress.....

I’m craving some experience, and then some, I want to do something that’s gonna get my blood pumping again, excite me enough to…… The more something scares me, the more I have to do it. Otherwise not knowing might kill me. But still I don’t want to die right now….and now I’m experimenting with new things!!!!

AM I A LITTLE CRAZY??

I’ve always wondered about chances…….. Do you believe in 2nd or 3rd or even 10 chances? I don’t wonder about the chances others give you, but more about the chance you give them. I don’t want to go through life alone, but am I weak because I feel better when I get to talk to you?
Does it matter that I’m a little crazy?

FEELINGS

I want to scream, shout to the top of my lungs
Curl over coz my sides are aching from laughing too much
I want to look into his eyes and be able to say I love you
Every minute, every day I want to
I want how I’m feeling to be timeless……forever…..eternal……

But most of all I want to FEEL.
Feel your love flowing through my bones
Feel your hot breath next to mine
Feel your eyes poring into me even with my eyes closed
Feel you feel the intensity of my love for you.

guess who's back???

I'm back from my overdue hiatus..... I'm lovin it!!! stay square to read my blogs!

Fake people

Yeah so most of this week I've been dealing with insincere people. I'm so over that. I'll be back soon, don't get tired of waitin for me!!

I digress. I just wrote down the word sincerity and remembered there's a cartoon i love so much with a kid called that and it made me smile coz she's one crazy kid!!!

I've had it with ass holes!!

I was going through my list of friends on FB and was rather surprised to find that a good guy friend had deleted me from his list! I mean he had a right n from the way I blasted him after callin me @some ungodly hour in the night, I shouldn't be so surprised! guys get real, you don't freakin call someone who's not your girlfriend at 2a.m! just thought i'd mention.....
I'm so pissed at this person commentin on my note on FB like someone made him cop or somethin idle like that, honestly if you can't be bothered to big up someone's efforts then don't say nothing at all. Muki crap!!
A friend of mine's going through some tough time and he won't let me be his shoulder to cry on! damn that pisses me off! I should have plenty to write about after the weekend.

This chic's dope!!

so who else thinks kate havenvik's dope?? Chik has a fly sound!! just incase, have a listen to unlike me....totally love it!
I first heard of the track on grey's anatomy and was looking for it ever since, thank God I know some dj's!

Some random thoughts

I've been so tired of late, I haven't had time to write, catch up on news or whatever so I'm tryin to do that as I write this..... The media law is being reviewed...got to admire the president's charisma. Sign n negotiate l8r. For all who don't understand, I won't talk politics, save your souls.

Won't this morning cold just go away! Feels like my nose's been put in a damn freezer! There's that report I have to write... bosses & reports! If only I could concentrate for five minutes....

Oh man! now to stupid tasks of editing....n i ain't no editor**need to get paid**

A lil bit intimate

Music…
I’m an R&B chick and always will be
I’ll play the same songs everyday if that’s what will make me happy
I love deep lyrics

Writing…
I wish I could change the world with my writing.
I write about love and life.
Anyone can relate to it
I want to make people feel and relate to me through my writing.
I read a lot and pick something useful as I go along.
Anyone who tries to take away my notebooks will get burnt!!! :)

On a personal note……
My favorite song right now is Lene Marlin’s “sitting down here”
My favorite color is pink.
I am a monogamist…
I always thought I’d be the girl with no tattoo…
I’m an amazing cook!
Fashion to me is how hot I’m feeling in that get up. PERIOD
Most of the things that I live for kill me everyday inside. Why??
I have too many passions
If I didn’t express myself in writing I’d go nuts!!
Most people don’t know that they don’t come as sensitive as me.
I like taking photos of myself
If you need anything, I can help.
I am a lover and a fighter with a heart that weighs me down on both ends.
I take myself too seriously
I don’t care what people say…I watch what they do
I’m quite the introvert
You can be nice or mean to me either way I’ll get through it
I cherish my family and friends
Mine is a friendship you can keep
I’ll cut you from my life if you prove to be untrustworthy….
I always try to remember to count my blessings,
Evil forces never sleep
I don’t deal well with the fake, I try not to judge
I’ve created my perfect world inside my head
I have an opinion on everything!!!

New Year, Hot Stuff!!

For my New Year's resolution I decided it was about time i rolled out my own blog, I've been anonymous for too long! so here I am, fresh and full of life as can be.
I had the best vacation, no one can top this....but I'd love to see someone try! this year begins with me being as in love as I was when I first dated my guy, I feel so blessed, I can only hope everyone in love feels half as great as I do! I got to travel and spend the best time with my guy, now I'm back to reality and already I feel the pains of withdrawal see i feel like I was high half the time we were together!
I haven't decided on any more resolutions yet.... mostly coz last time I made a list of how I wanted things to be all I had accomplished was just getting the thoughts down on paper and no progress! so I'm tryin to stay away from lists. This year I know I want things to happen, I don't want anything to stop me. I almost don't want to feel anything, I just want to be all about action!
So as I roll out and face the challenges I know I'll definitely face all I can hope for is a strong heart, perserverence and lots of love and people who love me.
How can I not mention the best movie I've watched so far this year??? everyone should get a chance to watch AUSTRALIA and I dare you to tell me you didn't feel like taking Nullah home with you in the end!
Pass by often. I'll sing you to me. Peace and love for the New Year!