Been thinking about my final blog for this year and I have to warn you it’ll be longish, but I’ll make it as interesting as I can. If you’ve been reading, you’ll probably realise that this year I got my heart broken but on a positive side I got closer to God and I’m better for that. It’s a shame as humans we let God’s order work up a crisis in our lives so we can surrender totally to His will. The most important lesson I’ve learnt this year is that if a crisis comes to you on any line, surrender your will to Him absolutely and irrevocably. (Credit to the book my utmost for His Highest.)If you stop reading at this point, at least I’ve touched someone’s heart!!!
I wrote predictions for this year, seven in total and only three materialised. Those three I’m grateful for and the four will come in good time.
I read interesting blogs this year that were eye opening and kept me going with my writing. Life through someone else’s life is so much bearable and interesting. Shout out to all bloggers!!
Family.............. What can I say? We’ve been tried and tested this year but we’re still alive and through God we’ll make it through next year. I love you!!!
Friends........... Moh, Eva, Aunty Salha, Lats (I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone) if I didn’t have you guyz in my life, I think I’d be dead by now!! You’ve been supportive, loving and your advice has been PRICELESS. Just knowing I have you guyz in my life makes starting a new year bearable. Thanks for your listening ears, love and support. I’ll be forever grateful. Xoxo
To every ‘friend’ who made me have to use the quotes in the first place, in your crazy way you taught me a lot. Half the lessons learnt were thanks to you and I can only pray for good things to come your way. Have a nice life.
Shout out to this cute guy I just met, you came into my life at the best possible time, you’ll never know how crazy things were but you made everything better. I love the passion in your eyes, your honesty and your cute lips. You’re precious. I hope I get to know you even better.
Finally to the one person who almost killed me this year, I understand why it never could have been me so what I’ll say has nothing to do with sour grapes coz you didn’t pick me. You know all about the lies you told and what you did the last time we were together. Bottom line is I trusted you. I won’t bother with grudges coz I know about karma. Live your life and let me live mine.
Looking forward to a quiet new year’s eve, I’ll sleep in for a change and spend time with God. Share your stories if you like. The one resolution I can share is that next year, I’ll be more focused on other people. I wish for you all the best and may all your dreams come true. Keep reading........... Like I say, who knows what Suezhane will be up to next year? Stick around as we both find out. God Peace.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
KILLING ME SOFTLY
I was so mean to him yesterday. I wanted him to explain some things and I wasn’t getting convinced so I turned mean and felt terrible afterwards. I don’t want us to go back to that place of not talking but we keep dancing around the most important issue and I don’t know what else to do or say. My words are turning meaningless.
I’m now convinced that the most dangerous people are those who love you but kill you slowly inside. With promises they never get to keep or keeping hope alive even when you should have gone off it years ago. When did a little faith ever harm anyone? You wonder. Never faith is harmless, but you can’t control anyone else’s free will. PERIOD. Believe as long as your belief system does not border on insanity. That’s all I’m saying.
My belief system has totally been battered up. Love does not conquer all. Ask me and I’ll tell you. I do believe however that in some random, rare occasions people can surprise you or even shock the hell out of you. So I’m waiting on his.
I’m a question to be answered and I hope his answer’s ‘YOU’
I’m now convinced that the most dangerous people are those who love you but kill you slowly inside. With promises they never get to keep or keeping hope alive even when you should have gone off it years ago. When did a little faith ever harm anyone? You wonder. Never faith is harmless, but you can’t control anyone else’s free will. PERIOD. Believe as long as your belief system does not border on insanity. That’s all I’m saying.
My belief system has totally been battered up. Love does not conquer all. Ask me and I’ll tell you. I do believe however that in some random, rare occasions people can surprise you or even shock the hell out of you. So I’m waiting on his.
I’m a question to be answered and I hope his answer’s ‘YOU’
UNTITLED
These are the moments of my life............ My heart aches.
We all have different moments of clarity. You wake up one day and realise in spite of all your good intentions, you can’t control anyone else’s life, let alone your own. We like to go through life acting like we have all the power when the reality is that God is the architect of all, so what chance do we really have?
Someone please wake me up at the end of this year.
You think I’m strong, don’t feel pain, so I don’t need your love? I want to say I’m weak and I need you. I want to say that my world is falling apart, I’m not as strong as you think I am, please pick me.
He’s getting married, and I’m dying inside.
“You’re not my ex anything; you’re my right now, my all.”
You say nothing has to change, yet your world is changing and I’m alone...... I didn’t ask to have these feelings, He chose them for me.
I’ll never say goodbye.
Everyone else thinks I’m crazy. They don’t know us like we do. And our story can’t end like this. I know these negative feelings will pass. All I need is a little more time, and then I’ll give you up completely.
I’m losing all of my emotions
I have expired
I’m miserable
And I’m slowly disintegrating
You’re listening in on my silence,
I try but I don’t speak.
I’m shattered
Missing out on your love
My world has been blown to pieces.
I’m struggling not to succumb to the darkness in my soul.
I love how you see me as perfect, when all I feel is damaged.
We all have different moments of clarity. You wake up one day and realise in spite of all your good intentions, you can’t control anyone else’s life, let alone your own. We like to go through life acting like we have all the power when the reality is that God is the architect of all, so what chance do we really have?
Someone please wake me up at the end of this year.
You think I’m strong, don’t feel pain, so I don’t need your love? I want to say I’m weak and I need you. I want to say that my world is falling apart, I’m not as strong as you think I am, please pick me.
He’s getting married, and I’m dying inside.
“You’re not my ex anything; you’re my right now, my all.”
You say nothing has to change, yet your world is changing and I’m alone...... I didn’t ask to have these feelings, He chose them for me.
I’ll never say goodbye.
Everyone else thinks I’m crazy. They don’t know us like we do. And our story can’t end like this. I know these negative feelings will pass. All I need is a little more time, and then I’ll give you up completely.
I’m losing all of my emotions
I have expired
I’m miserable
And I’m slowly disintegrating
You’re listening in on my silence,
I try but I don’t speak.
I’m shattered
Missing out on your love
My world has been blown to pieces.
I’m struggling not to succumb to the darkness in my soul.
I love how you see me as perfect, when all I feel is damaged.
RANDOM THOUGHTS
Today on my way to work, I had all these thoughts and among them was to write most of the stuff I remembered.
First I kept thinking of everything that’s been keeping me up lately and how I’m starting to miss long peaceful nights. I thought of how unreliable the weather is and how the folks up in Copenhagen needed to seal the deal yesterday!
I’ve noticed these ladies who clean a certain office building and they use rags and have to bend and I thought how soon I’ll stop by and recommend mops with handles to the supervisor coz it’s not right that any one should have to bend that much for that long.....
I came across this guy speaking on phone but its funny how he kept gesticulating as if the guy on the other end could see him. I couldn’t help laughing to myself and I felt like thanking him for the smile on my face. In traffic this guy did something so kind that irked the traffic cop to no end. He noticed the build up of guys waiting to cross and instead of driving off like the cop was indicating, he actually stopped for us to pass. Bless his kind soul.
I came across this funeral entourage with the tinniest coffin I ever saw and that got me wondering whether I should be sad for it or be happy. It’ll never grow up to be what he/she could have been but on the other hand he’s going back to be with God. And what can beat that? My heart ached at the parents’ sadness. That got me thinking about the philosopher in the book of Ecclesiastes and isn’t life a chasing after the wind anyway? I’ve decided I want to be a baby sitter in heaven.
That got me thinking about my life choices, 2010 and how different I want it to be for me, how people you love might slowly be killing you inside (look out for that post soon) and then I thought about God and prayed.
I’m happy I wasn’t so busy so nothing interfered with this post!!!
First I kept thinking of everything that’s been keeping me up lately and how I’m starting to miss long peaceful nights. I thought of how unreliable the weather is and how the folks up in Copenhagen needed to seal the deal yesterday!
I’ve noticed these ladies who clean a certain office building and they use rags and have to bend and I thought how soon I’ll stop by and recommend mops with handles to the supervisor coz it’s not right that any one should have to bend that much for that long.....
I came across this guy speaking on phone but its funny how he kept gesticulating as if the guy on the other end could see him. I couldn’t help laughing to myself and I felt like thanking him for the smile on my face. In traffic this guy did something so kind that irked the traffic cop to no end. He noticed the build up of guys waiting to cross and instead of driving off like the cop was indicating, he actually stopped for us to pass. Bless his kind soul.
I came across this funeral entourage with the tinniest coffin I ever saw and that got me wondering whether I should be sad for it or be happy. It’ll never grow up to be what he/she could have been but on the other hand he’s going back to be with God. And what can beat that? My heart ached at the parents’ sadness. That got me thinking about the philosopher in the book of Ecclesiastes and isn’t life a chasing after the wind anyway? I’ve decided I want to be a baby sitter in heaven.
That got me thinking about my life choices, 2010 and how different I want it to be for me, how people you love might slowly be killing you inside (look out for that post soon) and then I thought about God and prayed.
I’m happy I wasn’t so busy so nothing interfered with this post!!!
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