INSPIRED

I love this title I saw from a fellow blogger, "LOVING YOU IS WHAT I'M GOOD AT." To the cynics let me explain. She doesn't wake up or spend her days in this utopia of not doing anything, just loving this said person. Hell to the no. It simply means that loving this person makes her feel good about life, about herself, inspires her, and makes her feel like the world in all its wrongness, is right. Sorry if this makes no sense.... It's exactly how I feel about him. Inspired. What about the times we were apart? And we're not exactly together now, physically at least so how does this love inspire me? Its a feeling, a knowing and this sums it all up. "Sometimes I wish for older things, for things of days gone by. I long to hold a human hand, rather than a cellphone. I want a scrawling, handwritten letter stamped with a kiss, instead of a good morning text. Sometimes I desire to be living in the moment, without the itch of expectation, without the shadow of technology." Because that's what we're about now. TECHNOLOGY.

FEELING INSPIRED

"I can tell about the times you know When I wished to leave this world I can read to you the letters I wrote All the words you say you've never heard"- Lene Marlin I'm writing to you because I love you.... When you said you had to leave I wish you hadn't gone away With your love Helpless have no one to turn to Disciple of tough love Hello solitude I want to stay exactly where I am In love I'd come come for you But I don't want to be a beggar For your love.

LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND

I’ve had to read a lot about love these past couple of days coz for real for real, I was this close(gesticulating) to letting hate creep into my life because of certain people and certain situations. So now I’ve learnt how easy it is to let trifling things mess up our love walk with God. Here are important lessons I’ve learnt about love:
We need to stop putting conditions on love, people don’t have to love us back for us to love them, God doesn’t love us because of our actions, He loves us in spite of them and we should endeavour to do the same. There’s no fear in love, it is your power so you might as well use it to glorify God. Love does make the world go round and hence forth I’m practicing love.... I know how hard it is to forgive someone who’s hurt us, all we think of is hurting them back. A little exercise that’s helping me is to just take a step back and imagine God treating me the same way I treat people who’ve wronged me. That always gets me back on the right path.
My second best inspirational book says:
There’s always a lot to be thankful for, if you take time to look for it.
Broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened
Did you know you could actually practice being in awe? How cool is that? I’m practicing! Peace & Love y’all
Happy birthday Abdul!! May all your dreams come true.

MEETING AN EX

I’ve been having a series of really weird dreams lately, so I guess it was only natural that the climax would have me meeting my ex, this time only not in my dreams......... you plan and re-plan for such a day such that when it finally comes you hope you won’t be as flat footed as I was, but no!!!! First thing that came to my mind was me wishing I’d given in to my sixth sense and worn my heels! Maybe for the false sense of confidence I felt they would’ve given me, but any who............
Back to matters of the conversation, there he was asking how I’d been and he was expecting me to announce my happy marriage and kids waiting for me at home! How could I tell him that the guy I broke up with him for wasn’t a part of my life anymore? Like somehow by admitting that I’d be admitting my failure and how wrong I was to leave him...........
My head seemed to have found a life of its own, where my mouth failed me and there I was nodding and shaking to every question, leaving no doubt in his mind how uncomfortable I really was. Then he had to go and bring up the break up! And just in time I found my freedom of speech again. “Please don’t.”
Was I supposed to stand there like I was on trial just coz I followed my heart?
In hind sight I don’t really regret the break up, there are things I would’ve done different but he’s not the guy I go to bed dreaming of as my husband so the break up wasn’t a mistake, being caught off guard was! Now that I’m cool and collected my response to his question, “what’s new?” would have been: On the outside my life hasn’t changed much, all the change has been going on within. I’m more focused on pleasing myself, finding pleasure in the simple things in life, not over thinking situations just taking steps of faith, but most importantly being happy by myself instead of giving up that freedom to someone else.
I’ve learnt that most times we expect so much from our partners that when they fall short, we fall apart instead of learning to be happy no matter our circumstances. If you’re in a relationship, love yourself then love your partner. If you’re hoping to meet someone, be open to receiving love. PEACE AND LOVE

CHANGES

Change is inevitable. Change is good (depending on where you’re standing). If you don’t adapt to change, you get left behind. And I want to jump on that bus of change. They should add that change is so damn scary, and you need someone to hold your hand. What if all you have to lean on is yourself? How do you deal? I love him; I love him, now I’m rumbling in my head!!!!!!! The world is your freakin oyster babe, go on get your pearls.

04-05-09

Life goes off course but I look at you and I know
Who I am.
My choices don’t haunt me; I embrace you my new path
I move forward, never giving up
Solace when I never expected,
My greatest fear I face bravely,
Moving forward faithfully.
I come out from my darkness
You guide me to my light.
Even when life rushes at me from all directions
You are my safe haven.

Some things are meant to last forever.

I DON’T LABEL MYSELF

Funny thing happened to me today; someone I hardly know said I was a snob! In all fairness, rather than lead him on I chose to stay away and for all my efforts I got labeled!!! Just because I can figure out pretty quickly whether I’m interested in someone or not does it mean I should compromise myself for the sake of someone’s ego? Is this what society expects of me? To go out on a date leading nowhere for the sake of peace? Just so someone’s feelings won’t be hurt? Can’t we be a bit selfish when it comes to deciding about matters of the heart?? I am a monogamist, maybe that’s what I should’ve said upfront, would’ve been different if I at least had a chance to get a word in……..I’m pretty up front about the things I want, no sugar coating for me. This Mr. Right now stuff is getting pretty tricky me thinks! Sigh.

That’s why the next time someone wants to add me to his list of conquests I will politely decline, I refuse to be added to a list of people anyone has had the chance to devour. I do things on my terms…. Most of the time! When I was younger I did what kids do, but now that I’m older, I’ve gotten a bit wiser. Is it ok to enjoy the “benefits” a short term affair offers, just for the sake of lust? I’m confused. But not frigid. Just conscious. I believe in love and everything it has to offer, hopeless romantic I am!

MY WANDERING MIND

Yester night I realized my brain probably runs on speed. There I was supposedly asleep and I was conscious of each n every thought running through my mind! Of course I woke up feeling like I’d been running a marathon all night, but seriously bed for me used to be a place I could just escape n relax and forget about the crappy day I had, and now I realize my days, whether good or bad, are following me to bed!! I have a plan though, n I’ll share it if it works…. Ok been wracking my brain on what to write about all day today…….. Maybe I’ll just share some pieces of poetry I’ve been working on. Come to think of it, poetry has always been there for me no matter what. Feels good to know I have something I can count on.

BEGGAR

I’m writing to you because I love you……..
When you said you had to leave
I wish you hadn’t gone away with your love
Helpless, have no one to turn to
Disciple of tough love,
Hello solitude
I want to stay exactly where I am
In love
With the essence of me,
You’re one of a kind, filled with fire
Only a little too much
I’d come for you but I don’t want to be a beggar
For your LOVE.